I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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