The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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