I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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