I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
