I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
