honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
