oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
