it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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