pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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