can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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