if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
