Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
