ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
