If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
