I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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