And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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