remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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