Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
