if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
