i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
