so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
