A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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