do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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