She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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