You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
