i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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