so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
