I will die if light touches me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
