he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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