i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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