You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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