what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
