I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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