I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
