I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
