This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
