were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
