OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
