There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
