Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
