I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
