what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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