I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
