he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
