I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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