First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
