I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
