oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
