idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
