Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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