I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
