Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
do herpes really smell.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
