I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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