Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
