so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
