And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
