i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize