Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
