it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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