Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize