Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
