Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
