it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
