barbara walters just said penis...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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