We're facebook friends in real life
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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