i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
