Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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