Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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