just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
